Better is one day

Better is one day, from Hymn by Sarah Brightman

Therapy is working. I had to complain to my therapist about this because, for two weeks, I have been staring at a wall of text that usually my brain would gather up and frappé into a poem.

However, my therapist and I have worked out my underlying issues. The stuff that was causing me to be codependent, passive-aggressive, resentful, angry, and vindictive had helped me to write poetry. There is no better way to cloak my hostility or deny my own needs. Now, the magic is gone. Nice job, doctor. 

I am able to confidently state my needs, and sometimes that involves screaming to the world that I’m not okay. This always happens when I am in traffic on Sundays, but I think that’s true for everyone. Anyway, she says I need to ping my brain with music. I say that it is a meditative process that only works for writing prose fiction. We also talk about feeling sad about the tragic passing of someone we all know.

After that conversation, I swear to Jesus, I went to YouTube and I see Sarah Brightman posed like the Columbia Torch Lady. I had no idea that she released an album in 2018. I listened out of curiosity, and realised that YouTube did not suggest this to me before because I avoid songs that praise the Lord Almighty, in English. I made a face at first, but it stuck and I had to play it again. The song is based on A German Requiem by Brahms. It sounds uplifting, cheerful, and transporting.

How did this happen? Google’s neural networks are getting better at listening to my private chats (!) and/or analysing my emails. I strongly suspect the latter because yesterday, I emailed myself the ecclesiastical portion of a coronation scene that I am writing. It’s for a new novel, but the machine believes that I’m Catholic or something. Oops.

I love the song. And I still can’t write poetry.

36 thoughts on “Better is one day

    1. The stigma around mental wellness is puzzling to me. Who wants to walk around angry all the time and lash out when there are alternatives? Life has ups and downs and it’s realistic for us to be affected by them. And it is practical for us to seek help when we need it. Thank you very much for reading my post

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  1. Frappé into a poem? Love that phrase. I’m happy to hear therapy is helping – if it weren’t for writing I would surely be in trouble. It’s funny, as soon as I listened to the song, I realized it’s one we used to sing in church many years ago. I always thought it was pretty. I stopped attending when I was in high school and haven’t looked back, but the music is something I’ll always remember as a positive part of the experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. With you there on the spontaneous church songs. It might be in our DNA to seek to resonate with Spirit, and singing certainly helps to raise us. I am grateful for your support. My former muse was a taskmaster who worked fast.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sarah Brightman is an excellent singer.

    The ecclesiastical portion of a coronation scene?

    Must be set pre-20th Century because there aren’t too many of those anymore.

    The last was Britain’s Elizabeth II in 1953.

    Spain’s King Juan Carlos I just swore a Freemasonic oath of office in 1975.

    Which explains why the contemporary Spanish monarchy has been such a disaster.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for reading! I am going to look for the Freemasonic oath. I tried searching for the Felipe VI coronation ceremony on Saturday but could not find it. My story is set in 2033. It’s hard to write fiction on top of a reality everyone is familiar with, which is why I created a brand new timeline of history as well as national borders. However, I will soon be sharing the actual declaration that Google read in my email. Stay tuned.

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  3. Lily, this took a lot of intestinal fortitude to write and share with your readers- I commend you, not only for doing so, but for your resilience. You give countless others hope, that there is a path out of the darkness. Your perseverance has abetted you the light to which, without any thought, have held up for the troubled masses of the inflicted. Blessings.

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  4. Reading your post, and those who commented, made me feel much less alone. I imagine many of us are suffering more acutely these days. Though I have so much to be grateful for, isolation is grinding me away…and my sense of creativity with it. My dreams are coming less and less frequent and becoming more and more mundane. I sincerely wish that you turn a corner and become reignited — and me, too! ❤

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    1. Here’s a huge hug, Carrie. 😘💕 Thank you for capturing the essence of the problem. I have noticed how dreams feel flat or I can’t remember them. Here’s hoping we get some great ones soon.

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  5. Hum. I don’t know if this will work for you, but it does for me. I’m a painter, constantly at odds for inspiration. I’ve found I am most inspired when my muse feeds me something that my brain cannot understand, quantum mechanics. Beyond Schrödinger’s cat, there is a new article in science alert.com about the reality paradox. The twists and turns my brain makes forces an inspiration to the surface. At least that’s how it works for me. The double slit experiment still befuddles me.

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    1. I love quantum mechanics. Spend a lot of time reading articles and listening to lectures. I’ll focus on the fine details of the situation and the solutions appear. For poetry I need to not think at all. So it’s complicated because thinking or not thinking produces nothing.

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  6. This resonated deep within. I think it is such a great thing that you are now exerting the overwhelming feelings into a beautiful poetic creation that helps to better express yourself 💫✨🦋

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  7. This was really heartfelt Lily. I may not be able to understand the situation you are in or how you’ll be having troubles facing it but I can surely relate. Music is the one thing that keeps me sane, keeps me away from fighting, jostling with strangers who seldom understand the reasons of why I the way with them, the way I am. It’s really frustrating for me sometimes. I can only imagine how you must feel and to top all of this losing a loved ones is truly a sad feeling. I listen to Louis Armstrong sometimes and Ella Fitzegerald the other. The jazz makes my emotions calm sometimes, sometimes takes them to an another level of anxious. It’s a double edged sword sometimes. Hope you’ll be okay soon and will write. Poems will come to you and will stay. Take care. 😇

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    1. Thank you very much, Kumar. For me also, music evokes positive or negative emotions depending on where I started. I used to listen to a lot of classical opera but these days I am into 80’s and 90’s pop. Anything that helps me to think works. I’m at least grateful that these days, if I am anxious about something I can do something practical to fix it. If I write poetry again, I’ll be sure to share it.

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  8. She will come,,,,:) and you are very welcome Sabicuit! Glad you are getting into our little productions on YouTube..btw..Natascha is back from the hospital so anything is possible again for our creative duo:)

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  9. I actually relate to your post very much. I used to be a poet that could only find inspiration in my pain and suffering, my darkest times… my depressive days. I was the iconic morose poet, on the verge of suicide because..what does it matter anyway…etc etc I somehow became more positive over the years, and then I became barren and without a poem in my head. I was blocked for quite awhile until I discovered music as the secret primer to get the source to begin to drip and then flow and then gush and I became not the poet, but the stenographer, tapped into something , coming so fast at times, I could hardly write fast enough to get it down. For many years I needed to find the right music..not just any old music anything would do but when it was right, my muse would nod to me and say. Let’s go!” Here is the secret I will share..Trust in your muse..if she says, “Let’s go” Don;t think too much that you have absolutely nothing in your head you want to say.. You don’t need to know where you you’re going, where this flowing river will take you.. just jump in..just start, just begin..and trust, you will have a poem at the end:)

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    1. Thank you so much Karina, for this. I am sorry to hear you had to go through all of that pain and anguish. Very glad that you’re in a more positive place. I’ve watched your short films and I enjoy them very much. Big hugs.

      I’ve tried all of the above. Meditation doesn’t work. Nothing works. I used to hear a melody and the words flowed along effortlessly. Now I get a scratchy bar or two and then a word. And that’s it. The end. My muse must have quit on me because I am not her trusty and constant rage monster anymore. I’ll pray for a new one.

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