Faux pas

If Kublai Khan were to see my hair today (92% humidity), he would mistake me for a cave dweller. Do not be misled, Kublai. I am a purist and a snob. I am a vain, stuck up precisionist who was raised by a Debrett’s handbook.

I once torpedoed plans to fund a small wedding party for a recently married colleague. I objected because he invited part time staff to his wedding. However, he snubbed full time, worked to the bone six days a week staff. He did not follow protocol and inform his boss. He kept it a secret from the persons who covered for him when he missed work.

The Monday following nuptials by the lake, the Photo Album was flopped on my desk. As I thumbed through it, you should have seen the faux smile on my face. It was priceless. But he still hadn’t told me he was now married, so I did not congratulate him.

Victoria Beckham. I have two versions of that dress in grey.
Photo credit: Pop Sugar.

Snobs resemble prudes to a degree. But prudes are predictable and rigid across the board. You know what they’ll disapprove of. To succeed as a snob, you need double standards and these must fluctuate unpredictably.

For example…

Thanks to Marc Jacobs’ final rule bending antics at Louis Vuitton, I now have a collection of dresses that could pass for nightgowns or underwear. I have also been outdoors looking like this:

 Alexander McQueen Photo credit: Vanity Fair, Italy.

Ask my wine club. And yes, it is appropriate for male guests to remove their clothing after a few glasses of Riesling. I won a pair of neon pink lace briefs in the lottery at the last gathering. The morning after, my inbox was flooded with requests to see me wearing them. That was everyone’s way of thanking me for a fun evening out.

Does this view pop your tart?


A facsimile of mornings in my office. Nail polish is banned, but this goes unnoticed. 

Photo credit: Star FM, Australia.

Because I’m a snob and have double standards, this will not pass. Not at 08:13 in the morning, when my eyes have just started to focus.

100 thoughts on “Faux pas

  1. machinegunmeow says:

    SB you appear to be well acquainted with a certain colleague of mine. Such a small world. Love the dresses/pyjamas and forgive the lack of nail polish. I await my invite to your next wine club congregation😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sabiscuit says:

      Thank you, mGm. I’m so happy someone understands my eyes’ pain. You’re going to love my wine club. They specialise in bundling me into vans for second parties. (It’s only a kidnapping if you didn’t have fun after). We meet again, outdoors, this Saturday. I pray I’ll survive this one.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. leavenoteacherbehind says:

    “To succeed as a snob, you need double standards and these must fluctuate unpredictably.” This is the most comprehensive, concise, accurate and comical definition I’ve ever read. But you don’t require my praise, of course. A simple thank you will do. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sabiscuit says:

      Thank you very much for your comment. I had a giggle when I wrote that phrase, too. Mostly because sarcasm doesn’t always translate well in text. And I could see someone taking that meaning literally. Thank you for reading. Best wises x SB

      Like

  3. fascinatedferret says:

    I will be repeating this soon, I’m sure: “To succeed as a snob, you need double standards and these must fluctuate unpredictably.” Pleasure to read your delicious prose, as always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sabiscuit says:

      Thank you. I liked the idea of teasing readers with the implication they’d want to be that brand of uptight. I’m glad everyone can take a joke. Thank you FF, for reading deliciously.

      Like

  4. matt says:

    Hilarious, laughing to myself because I’m reading while at my workplace, which does allow nail polish as well as inappropriate VPL and poor taste casual wear.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. hbhatnagar says:

    I’d be posting pics of my new office’s dress code if I didn’t prize my retinas and my snobbery more. Pity those tight tights mean I can’t even turn up my nose and sniff haughtily at them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The V-Pub says:

    I generally do not take my clothes off at parties unless the wine is Shiraz. Your wardrobe selection is impeccable, and yes my tart has now been popped. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sabiscuit says:

      It looks just like that, okay? I was shocked there was a photo online with the same exact trousers and the same colour pants. No, no nail polish, which makes me feel feminine and pretty. No.

      Like

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